The Outtakes
by Whiskers on kittens
Summary: Read and enjoy (that's not an option, you have to). CHAPTER 5 IS UP!
1. Simply chapter 1

Disclaimer: Nooooo, not mine. Back off, not mine.  
  
~~ Neo, Trinity and Morpheus are standing on the roof ~~  
  
Morpheus: "Do you believe it now, Trinity?"  
  
Trinity: "Yeah, I believe you're the biggest third wheel! You always show up at inappropriate moments!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~~ The Oracle ~~  
  
Oracle: "Oh, and don't mind the window."  
  
Neo: "What window?"  
  
A mouse appears.  
  
Neo: "YIIIKES!!!!"  
  
The windows break.  
  
Oracle: "That window."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Oracle: "Okay, open you mouth, say aaah."  
  
Neo: "Aaaaah."  
  
Oracle: *backs off* "Wow! Someone here is in serious need of a fresh mint!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Oracle: "Here, take a cookie. Oh, and don't mind the floor."  
  
Neo: "What floor?" *takes a bit of the cookie but immediately spits it out*  
  
Oracle: "That floor."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Oracle: "Here, take a cookie."  
  
Neo: "No thanks."  
  
Oracle: "C'mon, they're good."  
  
Neo: "Really no, I'm not a cookie person."  
  
Oracle: "Look kid, I didn't bake those for nothing. TAKE A COOKIE!! NOW!!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~~ Spoon Boy ~~  
  
Spoon Boy: "Do not try and bend the spoon, sir. That's impossible."  
  
Neo: "What are you talking about off course it's possible." *bends spoon with his hands*  
  
Spoon Boy: "Instead, only try to realize the truth."  
  
Neo: "Helloooooo kid I just bend that spoon!" *waves spoon before SB's eyes*  
  
Spoon Boy: "There is no spoon."  
  
Neo: "Are you even listening to me?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~~ Stupid Windows. ~~  
  
Tank: "Operator."  
  
Morpheus: "Tank we need an exit out of here, fast."  
  
A message pops up at the computer screen saying:  
  
"Windows has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down."  
  
Tank: "Er guys, this may take a lil longer then expected."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
~~ Wake up. ~~  
  
Trinity on computer: "Wake up Neo."  
  
Neo: "Huh?"  
  
Trinity: "Follow the red kitten."  
  
Suddenly the stench of cat urine fills the room.  
  
Neo: "Uh oh."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	2. Simply chapter 2

Disclaimer: Sniffle. The Matrix isn't mine. Sniffle.  
  
----------- ----------  
  
-- The first jump --  
  
Morpheus: "Free your mind." *Jumps to the other building.*  
  
Neo: "Whoa." *Looks to the distance between.* "Okidoki. Free my mind. No problem. Right."  
  
*Neo jumps, looks like he's not gonna make it, but lands on the other side.*  
  
Morpheus: *stares* "You aren't supposed to make the jump!!!"  
  
Neo: "Erm, oops?"  
  
----------- ----------  
  
-- Unplugging --  
  
Morpheus: "Did you ever had a dream, Neo, that you where so sure it was real? What if you'd never awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world, and the real world?"  
  
Neo: "."  
  
Morpheus: "..."  
  
Neo: *coughs*  
  
Director: "CUT!!"  
  
-- Take 2 --  
  
Morpheus: "Did you ever had a dream, Neo, that you where so sure it was real -"  
  
Neo: *with a "bleh" face* "Yeah I once had that dream I peed in my pants, and then I woke up and - but you don't want to know that."  
  
Director: "CUT!!"  
  
-- Take 3 --  
  
Morpheus: "Did you ever had a dream, Neo -"  
  
Neo: "Well actually, no, I always take those sleeping pills where you don't get dreams and-"  
  
Director: "Cut!! What's wrong with him?"  
  
----------- ----------  
  
-- Rude. --  
  
Trinity: ". So you see, you can't be dead. You can't be, because... ...Because..." *looks puzzled* "Oh well die, I can't come up with a reason why you shouldn't."  
  
----------- ----------  
  
-- Bad sign? --  
  
Neo, Trinity, Morpheus and Cypher get out of the car. Morpheus' cape gets stuck behind the car door.  
  
Morpheus: "D'oh!"  
  
-- Take 2 --  
  
Neo, Trinity, Morpheus and Cypher get out of the car.  
  
An agent pops up out of nowhere and trips Trinity.  
  
Trinity: "D'oh!"  
  
-- Take 3 --  
  
Neo, Trinity, Morpheus and Cypher get out of the car.  
  
Spoon Boy appears and hits Neo with the spoon.  
  
Neo: "D'oh!"  
  
----------- ----------  
  
That was it, I'll try to post more as soon as I can. 


	3. Simply chapter 3

Disclaimer: Naw, not mine.  
  
--------- ----------  
  
-- Weird sense of humor --  
  
Neo runs off to the nearest phone, chased by agents, and picks up the horn.  
  
Tank: "The current time is 11 hours, 31 minutes and 10 seconds after the beep. BEEEEEEEEP!!!"  
  
----------- ----------  
  
-- Lord of the Matrix? --  
  
Trinity: "Please Neo, you have to trust me."  
  
Neo: "Why?"  
  
Trinity: "Are you frightened?"  
  
Neo: "Yes."  
  
Trinity: "Not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you."  
  
(only real LOTR freaks like me would get this one )  
  
----------- ----------  
  
-- In the club --  
  
Switch: "My name is Switch."  
  
Neo: "The Switch? The one who hacked the national make-up company?"  
  
Switch: "That was a long time ago."  
  
Neo: "Jesus..."  
  
Switch: "What?"  
  
Neo: "I just thought... You were a girl."  
  
Switch "..."  
  
----------- ----------  
  
-- Use the force. --  
  
Morpheus: "Free your mind." Jumps to the other building  
  
Neo: "Free my mind... No problem... Right..."  
  
Neo does a mysterious Sesam-open-u-move with his hand, and waits.  
  
Suddenly the building starts shoving towards Neo (squashing all the people walking on the street) who steps on it.  
  
Morpheus: stares "That's convenient."  
  
----------- ----------  
  
-- Boyfriends? --  
  
Morpheus: "Hello Neo, do you know who this is?"  
  
Neo: "Raphael?"  
  
Morpheus: "... No."  
  
Neo: "Oh. Jake?"  
  
Morpheus: "No!!"  
  
Neo: "Wait wait! Now I know it!! Samuel!"  
  
Morpheus: "NOOO!!!! MORPHEUS!!!"  
  
Neo: "Ooooh. Right."  
  
----------- ----------  
  
-- A big fan --  
  
Morpheus: "Apoc, are we online?"  
  
Apoc: "Yeah yeah. Hey, who downloaded Rambo 2461?"  
  
Switch: coughnot mechokecough  
  
-- Fleaky. --  
  
Morpheus: "You've been living in a dream world, Neo. This is the world as it exists today."  
  
The screen zaps on, revealing a plain with pink fluffy rabbits hopping everywhere.  
  
Neo: gasp "That's terrible!"  
  
Morpheus: "Oops, wrong tape. That's the teletubbies."  
  
----------- ----------  
  
Because it took some time, I posted a lil more this time :) 


	4. Matrix Reloaded bloopers

Disclamer: Nah. Not mine.  
  
Note: This contains spoilers of the matrix reloaded so don't read it if you don't wanna know stuff ^_^  
  
~~~ Creative, yes. ~~~  
  
Twin #1's arm is stuck behind a door and 'slightly' ripped apart.  
  
Twin#1: "Hurry up!"  
  
Twin#2 grabs some clay out of nowhere and starts building a new arm.  
  
Twin#1: *with a painful look* "Urg."  
  
~~~ That's GOTTA hurt.~~~  
  
Trinity is falling off the roof, shooting at the agent with lots of enthousiasm, while Morpheus sprints to a window lower in an attempt to save her.  
  
Morpheus: "Trinity!"  
  
He jumps through the window with a very dramatic look, and then squashes against the window.  
  
Morpheus: "Ahh... Double glass..."  
  
~~~ That's very bad. ~~~  
  
Everyone's partying at Zion.  
  
Neo: "Since everyone's here..."  
  
Trinity: *with an evil grin on her face* "Yeah. Let's rob the bank."  
  
(just pretend they have a bank for now ^_^)  
  
~~~ Smith's inner self? (lotr) ~~~  
  
Agent: "You?"  
  
Smith: "Yes. Me."  
  
Smith squeezes his arm into the agent, happily saying "Me, me, me!"  
  
The data streams disappear, revealing Elrond.  
  
Elrond: "Where is the ring???"  
  
Smith: "Eeek."  
  
~~~ How sweet ~~~  
  
Neo: "It's a bomb!"  
  
Everyone flees from the ship as the bomb approaches. A few seconds later the bomb explodes revealing thousand of glittery rainbow-colored flowers, writing  
  
"Happy Birthday!"  
  
in the sky.  
  
Trinity: *happy* "They got my request!"  
  
~~~ Speech time ~~~  
  
Morpheus is ready to give his speech at Zion.  
  
Morpheus: "I stand here before you, truthfully without fear, because...-"  
  
His pants slowly slip off.  
  
Morhpeus: "...Because... Umm... I eh... I'll be right back!"  
  
~~~ Okay, that's it for now. I need to think some more about the movie to get new bloopers ^_^ ~~~ 


	5. Matrix 1 and 2 bloopers

Disclaimer: Not mine, boohoo etc.  
  
Note: This contains both bloopers from The Matrix and The Matrix Reloaded. So if you haven't seen The Matrix Reloaded yet, then don't read those :-)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Matrix ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Neo gets back from the oracle. Suddenly a fat woman in pink notices him, runs towards Neo like she's going to hug him to death.  
  
Woman: "Come here my love!"  
  
Trinity: "Run Neo!!! It's the I-love-you-virus!!!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Choi: "What do you think, Doujour? Should we take him with us?"  
  
She takes a look at Neo's dirty shoes, his filthy clothes and messy hair.  
  
Doujour: "Definitely... Not."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
(after Neo came magically back from death)  
  
Neo: *raises his arm* No...  
  
The agents shoot at him with a completely not-surprised-face, and Neo falls a bit bloodied to the floor.  
  
Director: *to assistant, worried* "You told them not to really load their guns, didn't you?"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The Matrix Reloaded ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Trinity: "You told me as a kid to stay off that freeway."  
  
Morpheus: *blushing* "Yeah but... That was because I was jealous of that guy that wanted to take you for a ride in his Ferrari."  
  
Trinity: *cheesy grin* "I see..."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Agent Smith: "The best thing about being me, is there's so many me's. *a door opens at his left, and a punky Smith steps in* This one's my favourite. I call him "Minime"."  
  
Minime: "Yeah, baybee!"  
  
Morpheus, Trinity & Neo: *horrified* "Oh no!!"  
  
--- Note: this one isn't mine, Oddwen posted it in the reviews, and I liked it ^_^ --- 


End file.
